About Me

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North Lawrence, New York, United States
I can be described as lover of life, an animal lover, and lover of education. I am constantly striving for knowledge and learning opportunities. I've been around horses my entire life. I enjoy working with horses and their human partners through natural horsemanship philosophies, natural balance bare foot hoof care, reiki, red-light therapy, essential oils, aromatherapy, crystal healing, chromotherapy, flower essences, and more. I am a Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki Master Teacher who offers treatments for people, horses, dogs, cats, and other creatures great and small. I also teach Reiki classes for those interested in learning how to treat themselves, their loved ones, and even their animals! Natural Horse Lover Farm is located in Northern New York between the St. Lawrence River and Adirondack Mountains. Heaven on Earth. naturalhorseloverfarm.com

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It is like climbing a steep cliff, alone.



Took a spur of the moment ride on Fosse tonight, you know, the halter only kind, and we had fun chasing and being chased by Lola and Whiskey, some liberty play, and obstacles...yeah and cookies came out of my pockets for some very gleeful horses. I had forgotten how great being with them felt, all stress gone, nothing in my universe but the horses and some quiet country time..what a delight and it has been ages since we've done that.

I think that life has been really crazy (work, construction, and tons of visitors from all around the globe). Without getting into gruesome details, some things out of my control, and for months severely impacting my health, workouts, horse time, and much more. Whew.

Unfortunately, things spiral in life and I often start a behavior of denial and self-flagellation when I find myself out of control...I refuse to give myself permission to be happy, to do the things I love, to take care of myself. Hard to understand, I know, something I constantly battle.

I feel like I am slowly taking control again and the horse time tonight was the icing on the cake. It is like climbing a steep cliff, alone but i am doing it.

I am taking Zumba again and am really happy. I have been journaling everything no matter what. I have also been wearing my BodyMedia Fit which is a great feedback mechanism for me. Overall, not too bad, not perfect but working at it one step at a time with a great deal of room for improvement. I did notice this evening that I finally feel strong enough to make wiser choices again and am not using food to punish myself for getting out of control for so long. I know, it sounds crazy but the more off track I am, the more I consciously make poor decisions....very strange but true. I think the endorphins are finally taking over my brain again because it is getting easier. I do have to work on getting enough sleep and get to the gym in the morning...working at that. I know all in moderation but, bad habits and negative feeling for me beget even worse, detrimental decisions - almost as if I make unhealthy choices as a way to admonish myself. ---What a battle, what a journey!

3 comments:

Shannon :) said...

It isn't strange - it is true for lots of us. I have dealt with that being off track/poor decision cycle too - it is kind of like an all or nothing type attitude isn't it?? If I am going to fall off my plan - I am going to REALLY fall off! You are so not alone in attempting to change your mindset ... I am there with you. I finally feel like in the last few months that I more consistently able to fall off my plan at one meal - and pick it back up for the next one. And during very stressful times - recognize that that is the time when I most need to care for myself. It is an uphill battle - but you are never, ever alone. You are a Parelli student .. we never travel this journey alone! {{hugs}} On that happy note - my barn is underway, finally! I'll send you some pics soon!

Shannon :) said...

It isn't strange - it is true for lots of us. I have dealt with that being off track/poor decision cycle too - it is kind of like an all or nothing type attitude isn't it?? If I am going to fall off my plan - I am going to REALLY fall off! You are so not alone in attempting to change your mindset ... I am there with you. I finally feel like in the last few months that I more consistently able to fall off my plan at one meal - and pick it back up for the next one. And during very stressful times - recognize that that is the time when I most need to care for myself. It is an uphill battle - but you are never, ever alone. You are a Parelli student .. we never travel this journey alone! {{hugs}} On that happy note - my barn is underway, finally! I'll send you some pics soon!

Shannon :) said...

It isn't strange - it is true for lots of us. I have dealt with that being off track/poor decision cycle too - it is kind of like an all or nothing type attitude isn't it?? If I am going to fall off my plan - I am going to REALLY fall off! You are so not alone in attempting to change your mindset ... I am there with you. I finally feel like in the last few months that I more consistently able to fall off my plan at one meal - and pick it back up for the next one. And during very stressful times - recognize that that is the time when I most need to care for myself. It is an uphill battle - but you are never, ever alone. You are a Parelli student .. we never travel this journey alone! {{hugs}} On that happy note - my barn is underway, finally! I'll send you some pics soon!