- Savvy Horse Girl
- North Lawrence, New York, United States
- I can be described as lover of life, an animal lover, and lover of education. I am constantly striving for knowledge and learning opportunities. I've been around horses my entire life. I enjoy working with horses and their human partners through natural horsemanship philosophies, natural balance bare foot hoof care, reiki, red-light therapy, essential oils, aromatherapy, crystal healing, chromotherapy, flower essences, and more. I am a Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki Master Teacher who offers treatments for people, horses, dogs, cats, and other creatures great and small. I also teach Reiki classes for those interested in learning how to treat themselves, their loved ones, and even their animals! Natural Horse Lover Farm is located in Northern New York between the St. Lawrence River and Adirondack Mountains. Heaven on Earth. naturalhorseloverfarm.com
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Breaking the Silence
Breaking the silence, thank you for being my friends and for being here. My life has been really crazy lately, as if you could not tell. And, trying to focus on myself (let alone my horsemanship) is almost impossible right now.
Okay folks...maybe you've heard some of this before, maybe not, but I feel compelled and the need to think about it again and write it down. Here goes...
I have been really struggling getting enough sleep and getting to the gym in the morning let alone eating totally on track. In 2010, I could not exercise enough, I was like a junky. I was going to the gym 5 days a week, Zumba 8 classes a week, videos at home a few times a week, walked the dog(s) every day, I was also doing interval run/walk training, farm chores, and horse activities (mounted and unmounted). I was eating almost totally clean foods and felt like I was on the top of the world, like a super star and like I would be at goal in the near future. People were proud of me, I was too, and the compliments rained in daily. I was never the fat kid, always the hot chick so, taking control back and trying to get my body back was working and felt wonderful. Oh, and my horses, I am certain, loved it too. :)
In April of 2011, I let some extreme stress at work, a back injury, and my husband's poor health and subsequent hospital stay (at two different places) become one big excuse to go off the proverbial deep-end. It was like something took over my brain and I could see it but not stop it. And, for the record, I control everything in my life, I am a leader in my profession yet, my health/weight as an adult has been a constant struggle since about my mid-twenties. In 2010 I finally had a handle on it, or so I thought. Anyhow, as the stress compounded, I found myself falling back into terrible, old habits (college eating patterns I guess) and I ate lots of junk, primarily Reese's products, and I mean it, I was eating this stuff like it was cocaine and I was an addict needing a fix. I was eating in secret, I was and am totally ashamed of my actions.
So, I went from losing 72 pounds to regaining 50+ back (quickly). I feel humiliated, stupid, and have yet to ever get back to the place I was in 2010. At the time, when I was back in Onderland, I said I'd never go back in the 200's but yet I let it happen, what the heck is wrong with me! I didn't gain everything back (a good thing) but feel almost paralyzed, like I am a total failure, and will never be able to lose it again, I feel like a fraud. I can give advice to others but cannot seem to take my own. I have had spurts of motivation and even some good days but, never like it was.
So, here I am, trying again. With my schedule, Weight Watchers meetings are out. WW Online was okay but, I decided to try something new. Being a librarian and technology junkie, I decided I would use the Body Media Fit (Link) as my tool to provide a mechanism to be accountable and to get feedback. I am trying my best to eat clean with the support of Arbonne products and some Designs for Health products. I know that I have to get back into my exercise routine, even if not like it was before but I am really struggling and I have no idea why. I love to workout, I love the endorphin rush afterwards, and I love how my body feels.
Now that the winter is breaking and there is more day light, I see horse time and all other outdoor activities in my near future. IT is going from a frozen tundra to a muddy mess but, that is okay. I took up snowshoeing and cross country skiing this year but far too late. So, next season for that!
Each day I work on myself a bit and although most days end in failure, I keep trying. Today, despite a day-long migraine and very busy work day, I am ending my day on a good note, yes, a positive note. I didn't exercise (because of my head that is pounding and ringing) but I did eat moderately, including a work lunch out. I am ending with a calorie deficit (a good thing) and my choices were good. Just writing this seems to be helping my brain synthesize things too, and I am drinking a nice cold bottle of water laced with Arbonne Fizz tabs...yum. I feel a little better...thank you for indulging me with this long post.
If you have any great ideas, insights, or have found a magic wizard who can zap my 18-year old body back, I would appreciate it. I won't even begin to write about the wrinkles I am starting to see....age 40 came for me in December 2011...and I told Rick this was the year for my mid-life crises...hehe.
Have a lovely evening and keep in touch. More to come.