Do you remember the first time you picked up a carrot stick or the first time you read Pat Parelli's Natural Horse-Man-Ship book? What about the first time you tried to use the 45' line, you know, that waxy, stiff rope? I remember when I got my first Parelli Partnership Level 1 kit. This is the one with the audio cassette and VHS tape with pocket guides. This partnership pack is often referred to as the "old level 1." In it Pat recommends using the carrot stick and savvy string on a fence to practice learning the movements and better understand the feel of the string and stick before using it with our horse. I did it and my neighbor watched me with her face pressed against the window, curtains drawn wide, I was a spectacle. It wasn't that I was not good at it, I found the task to be simple and it went well. However, not only was she not a horse person and had no clue what I was doing, we were living in the south in rural Southwest Virginia, in the mountains, and we were "Yankees." We may as well have been aliens from another planet and this didn't make things any easier! Here I was, this strange horse woman who was also the main provider in my household, who was a career womanmoving for my job (not Rick's), bought my house before my husband saw it (although I had to have him sign off before we could put a contract on it because the man selling the place refused to sell to me without my husband's approval--Rick and I shrugged and laughed about it because to us, that was ridiculous), oh yeah, and we had a washer and dryer in the house (dishwasher too)--yes, this was a hugely big deal to this woman and to some others in our area. Despite the materials being foreign to a person who was not exposed to natural horsemanship before (me), despite my neighbor constantly staring at me (and this went on for the entire time I lived there, my arena (the one we built) was across the road from her house (everyone wanted to buy it to put a mobile home on and could not understand why I'd waste it for horses), I did it, I persevered and here I am, a PNH Level 3 student. :)
The awkward moments I talk about seem uncomfortable, embarrassing perhaps, or even difficult but, the time you took (or I took) to pursue and persist, to learn, to grow has certainly paid off and because of it, we all are better horse people for it.
As I continue on my journey to better health, and on my 28-day detox/cleanse, I am continually learning more and more about myself. I believe this is all knowledge that transcends the healthy journey to a weight goal and certainly will touch me for the rest of my life. My mind reels with new information and as I type this, I feel complete and utter joy, tears well in my eyes, not because I am saddened but because I am extremely happy, and I feel great! I cannot stop smiling this morning...I am laughing at myself. I have been feeling excellent all week, better than ever actually. Amazingly clear, focused, and totally in my zen place. (And, this is my "female time--not to over share but it is important because I am shocked that I am not feeling like an out of control lunatic, like I have been for a few years during this time, but now, I am totally at peace.) I believe the work/study I am doing on detox/cleanse and understanding how my body and food relate is probably the most important thing I've done for myself in a very long time. It is not easy, actually quite complicated but, a mission I need to accomplish. If it makes a difference for me,it certainly impacts all who share my life and on many levels, horses and humans alike.
Here are a few words of wisdom from yesterday's coaching sessions...
--Your relationship with food should be a metaphor for other things in your life.
--The 80/20 rule (remember 80% on internal checking on one self) is like Yoga of everyday life. Tell your body, "I'm here for and with you, I feel you." Check inside yourself asking, "How do you feel? How do you feel about the food? How are you doing with this bite? Did you have enough?"
-- Have a conversation with your fat...think about what it is doing for you (and that is not always negative). Find the positives and have a conversation with your fat. For example, recognize that it is there to protect you (could be you used it as a place to hide from the world, it protects your organs, it comforted you when you were feeling down, etc.). Tell it thank you for protecting you but that you don't need it anymore, that you need to move forward in your life and journey leaving it behind. Don't hate your fat, realize it served a purpose that is simply no longer needed and move forward.
I also have to share that I have been feeling completely satisfied. I don't feel like I am being deprived and actually, feel like I am caring for myself and giving my body what it truly needs and desires. Wow, this is a powerful and amazing change in mindset for me. All thoughts of negativity are gone...yes, the "Queen of negative self-talk" is dead. A new me has been born! :)
I hope you are all doing well and feeling wonderful. The weather will break soon and we will all have lots of horse time very soon. Take care of yourselves, then you can take care of your horses, your family, and friends. HUGS.
"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not." ~Author Unknown