About Me

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North Lawrence, New York, United States
I can be described as lover of life, an animal lover, and lover of education. I am constantly striving for knowledge and learning opportunities. I've been around horses my entire life. I enjoy working with horses and their human partners through natural horsemanship philosophies, natural balance bare foot hoof care, reiki, red-light therapy, essential oils, aromatherapy, crystal healing, chromotherapy, flower essences, and more. I am a Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki Master Teacher who offers treatments for people, horses, dogs, cats, and other creatures great and small. I also teach Reiki classes for those interested in learning how to treat themselves, their loved ones, and even their animals! Natural Horse Lover Farm is located in Northern New York between the St. Lawrence River and Adirondack Mountains. Heaven on Earth. naturalhorseloverfarm.com

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Needing a Fresh Start - WW Journey Update - Process, Planning, and Progress

I am trying very hard to remember that my horse journey and my journey to better health are connected and equally important. To have a solid partnership, both horse and human need to have mental, emotional, and physical fitness. My horses are doing their part (usually) and so, I keep striving to do mine. Pondering...if WW is a lifetime commitment and lifestyle, what is it that makes it not always liveable? Why are bad habits so difficult to discard and why doesn't the WW lifestyle allow for easily giving them up? Maybe it is not just a habitual issue solely. I do think that fat, sugar, and salt (and especially together--or other trigger foods like wheat) are akin to drugs, are addictive, and if you stop eating them you are okay. The second you allow them back into your diet, it is like a drug addict given a hit and thus fix of their drug of choice. It is hard to put down, the more you eat it the more you want it and the more it is on your mind, the more you fall out of good habits and into the oblivion that got you to the point of needing intervention in the first place....hmmmmm....more pondering.

My lowest weight (not in my life but while on this journey since Jan 2010) was 195.2lbs in December 2010 which meant I made it to Onderland and was also past 25% weight lost, past the mid-point of my entire journey too. I was on top of the world. The holidays came and went (some good days, some bad). As of my last weigh-in however, (February 12th, 2011--I skipped my February 19th meeting--not a good idea by the way) I was 206.6 lbs meaning no more 25% lost, no more Onderland, and not past the mid-point of my journey. I find this to be very difficult to deal with as we are now approaching March 2011. I realize that it is in my control and my fault but, that does not make it easier. It is what I am eating and not exercise particularly as I workout more than most people even on my worst weeks. On my good weeks, I workout twice a day, on my bad weeks, usually once a day at least 5 days a week. I am now at 56 lbs lost, 76.6 lbs to get to goal (130 lbs) ... daunting to say the least!

I've reached a place in my WW journey where I am falling back into old bad habits that include the mass consumption of sugar, fat, and salt, not getting in all of my workouts (I actually love to workout all of the time), and feeling kind of overwhelmed and unable to focus. I suspect part of this is emotionally motivated from stress related to the winter weather (and no horse play time--very depressing and no walking or running with my dogs), a heavy work load at the University, and an off-kilter schedule with my husband (I miss him as he is snow plowing almost all of the time on 12 hours shifts). I am feeling pure desperation, feel yucky from eating junk, feeling terribly guilty, feeling like a failure, and really need a clean start. This journey is an integral part of my horsemanship and I cannot give up. I am worth it and so are my horses and my horsemanship!

I've decided to stay on WW (of course) but, to get a clean start, I am going to go through a 28 day cleanse/detox program as well. It is a way for me to "kick" the bad food habits and get back to feeling good again. Just like with our horses, people are what they eat and what is consumed directly effects performance.

A Facebook friend of mine, Heike King is an Arbonne Consultant and she is going to get me hooked up on the Cambiati 28 Day Detox/Cleanse program with both Cambiati and Arbonne products. Some of the key concepts with the program are:

--Identify how nutrition affects your physical, mental and emotional health;
--Use food as fuel;
--Identify food allergies and intolerances;
--Identify and correct imbalances that contribute to a lack of energy, inability to lose weight, and missing competitive edge;
--Identify and eliminate compulsive eating habits; and
--Create a path for wellness for the rest of your life.

These are concepts that I am always thinking about and they should fit well with the WW lifestyle . A detox/cleansing restart may be just what I need. The other benefit is that they tell me what to do for the next month (there is a class which I like too--education is really important to me), no thinking needed on my part (lol), just follow the plan (as far as I know--I am still getting info). (BTW--Other online WW folks I know did it and referred me to her back in July 2010 (I was not ready to try it them) and continue to use these products in their daily regimen with not only weight loss success but, they feel overall really well balanced and healthy.)

I was in denial for years about gaining weight and now, regretting not getting at it when I gained just 5 pounds...geeze could I have waited any longer!? Now, I am working on losing 132.6 lbs...can you imagine? UGH, disgusting really, simply horrific (but when I get there, the horses will be pleased and so will I for so many reasons).

I was never the fat kid but, college, marriage, lack of knowledge, and complacency got the best of me. I don't think that I ever realized I would/could get fat and as it happened, I kept thinking it would just go away or something. It truly snuck up on me. Now at age 39, my plan is to get to goal by my 40th (this Dec 4th) and stay there. I want to live a long, athletic and healthy life with Rick and the critters and I have to lose weight to do so. (OMG I am heading to age 40--frightening, I feel like I am 18 most of the time--especially when I am riding around bareback on Fosse, Whiskey, or Lola, acting like a fool!--thanks Parelli for the ability to do so!)

Sometimes, I just want a magical do-over and be my younger healthier, thinner self. It is tiring to constantly have to think about this stuff. I try to bargain for it stating to the Universe that if given another chance, I'd be diligent and careful and not allow myself to get where I am now. However, reality is that kind of magic does not exist and as Pat Parelli says, "Take the time it takes and it takes less time." What I take from this quote in this context is that I have to just get back at it, do what it takes, and I'll get there!

So there you have it, that is my update!


Michelle AKA arabhorselover1 said...

Well, I've signed up for the class and purchased all of the goodies associated with the Cambiati 28-day cleanse/detox. Here's to good health and a positive restart to my journey! Let's hope this works and makes me feel balanced, healthier, and more able to refocus on my weight loss journey...I had to shell out a small fortune to Cambiati, Arbonne, and Easy Health Zone...yikes.

horsegirlonajourney.com said...

I think just like everything else in life, whether horse time, sex, girls' night out, or even chores, our eating and exercise is going to be a sine wave more than a steady line. Sometimes it's easier to stick to it, sometimes it's harder, sometimes it's impossible and then we have to climb back up the hill. Then it's very hard not to think of ourselves as "bad" (a word you used five times in this post) or as failures. But you are neither, and winter will segue into spring ... one of these days. I think. ;-) Best of luck with your detox! I'm kind of shaky just thinking about it -- the very idea of fasting turns me from an LBE to a RBI real fast -- but it sounds like you're in good hands. And buying new stuff always motivates... LOL

Michelle AKA arabhorselover1 said...

I always appreciate your comments, horsegirl, thank you. Fortunately it is not a fast per se as I will get to eat! LOL Just what I eat will be healthy and regimented. Right now,. only have to do what someone says rather than thinking and being my normal creative self is fairly attractive. I've been pouring over the class materials (there are 4 classes) and it is interesting, some new, some not so new knowledge but overall, doable and as you say, buying new stuff is truly motivating! LOL

PeterC said...

Good luck!

I've been feeling this way as well, mostly because I've been eating "fast" but not healthy. I've signed up for a Don Halladay clinic in August with the plan to be ready for it by then. I can now have regular visits from a PP. I've also added walking three miles a day during coffee breaks.

I must say, this is the most negative I've seen you. Excuses and guilt. You are you and cannot change the past, right? Get on with the present okay? You really are an inspiration to those around you!

BTW, don't forget that many very smart people have spend many many years in an effort to get you to eat junk food. From colour, to packaging, to making up health claims to print on their boxes, it is all designed to trick you or your brain. It sounds like refocusing on your cleansing shall help!


Michelle AKA arabhorselover1 said...

Thanks, Peter. I hadn't realized I sounded so negative until it was pointed out to me. HMMM A good thing to realize which makes this detox idea even more important. For the first time in weeks, I feel excited about my health and empowered and some energy to be focused again!

I've founds some feelings of aggravation with the new WW program. It works, I am sure but now, the calculators are junky electronic things, you cannot make educated estimates on points in a pinch, everything has different values and has to be looked up, and all of my WW books have the wrong values in them (and there are so many I's have to count). Anyhow, just another excuse for sure so, I am moving forward, not backward (and thanks to kind people like you and horsegirl for having my back). :)